Day 2

The thing that stresses me out the most!

The list really could go on and on but if I must say one thing that stresses me out the most right now... It would have to be MaCee's birth mother!  When we were in the hospital she decided that she didn't want to meet us, which we were ok with, if thats what she wanted.  I cannot even imagine what was going on in her head, so I wanted her to have the time she needed to grieve.  I won't lie as we walked through the hospital halls I secretly hoped we would run into her.  I prayed and prayed for her to have peace in her heart and know that her little girl would be loved soooo much by so many people (including her birth family.)  When we signed she had decided that she wanted a semi- open adoption, to me this meant that maybe there was a chance that she would be a little part of ours and MaCee's life.  In the last 7 months I have sent pictures, a book, letter, to the agency and that is were it has stayed by her choice.  It breaks my heart not being able to talk to her, and know how she feels,  I feel completely in the dark.  I would love to have a relationship with her, and at least let her know that MaCee is doing well.  I just wish she could see a little video of MaCee's life, and I think that would help her a little bit, at least I hope it would.  So maybe I am just being silly and need to let it go, but it sure does weigh on my mind often!!!  If anyone has any suggestions I am open!  Also I did not mean to offend anyone by this post so please take it as it is meant... I know that birth mothers are special little angels in our lives, I just wish we could have ours!
                                          

Fun Challenge

Since I once again have been slacking in my posting (suprise, suprise) I have decided to copy from a friends blog and do the 15 day challenge.  Ill try soooo hard but we will see!

Day 1 – Self Portrait picture, and 15 interesting facts.

Day 2 – Something that stresses you out.

Day 3 – Your siblings and parents.

Day 4 – Something you are looking forward to.

Day 5 – Pictures of things that make you happy.

Day 6 – A song that makes you cry (or nearly and why).

Day 7 – Favorite Movies

Day 8 – A place you have traveled to.

Day 9 – Put your ipod on shuffle – first 10 songs.

Day 10 – Something you’re afraid of.

Day 11 – Favorite TV shows.

Day 12 – What you believe.

Day 13 – Goals

Day 14 – Some pictures you love.

Day 15 – Pictures of your dream house.

Ok so I am already cheating a little... but really a self portrait to me is one with him in it!!! He is me... I have loved him since I was 16, all I know is me and him!  He is my best friend in everyway I tell him EVERYTHING.  So whether you agree or not, these are my self portraits!  Now for 15 things about me, be ready to be bored.

1-  I hate that I can't get caught up on life, it seems like everyday ends with my list still full of things that I didn't get done.

2- I love VOLLEYBALL!

3- I am the mommy of 4 amazing little munchkins.

4- I love to cook, but hate cleaning up the mess (which is why my kitchen is usually a disaster!)

5- I go to bed every night wondering if im going to wake up in the morning sick from my lupus.

6- I am addicted to shopping all kinds I probably should be attending shopaholics anonymous!

7- I live for pictures, my camera is broken right now but as soon as its fixed or I get a new one ill be back to posting a lot more often.  Pictures are all we have after the moment is gone and I want a picture of EVERY moment!

8-  My first kiss was on my swingset when I was like 3 my dad sat inside and videod the whole thing and then used it as black mail later in my life.

9- I am the oldest child in my family... Im the one they practiced on I guess I didn't turn out to bad!

10-  I am a huge cry baby... everything makes me cry now.  I guess its just because I see that life isn't perfect and I hate to see others hurt knowing the road ahead is not going to be an easy one!

11- I am soooo madly in love with Gary Allan, but he doesn't know it yet! :)

12- I would probably have 15 kids if my hubby would let me... It's a good thing one of us thinks logically.

13- I am a little OCD, just about somethings.

14- I am like a little kid on Christmas, usually about 5 I can't take it anymore and talk Mike into letting me wake the kids up!

15- I am soooo blessed, although the trials have not always been easy my life has been filled with so many blessings I don't even know where to start.

The purpose of life is a life of purpose. ~Robert Byrne

Do you believe in Destiny?

A year ago if you would have asked me this question, I probably would have said yes.  If I was asked this question today I would answer yes again, but not for the same reasons as a year ago!  I do believe that MaCee was sent to our family by our heavenly father and that her little soul would have made it to our family no matter what package it was delivered in!  It just works out that it is the cutest little milk chocolate package I've ever seen!!!  Monday I took MaCee to her 6 month appointment I had to laugh she is a little bowling ball... She weighed 15 lbs. 15 oz (75%)  and she was 24 1/2 inches (10%) this little girl loves to eat just like her momma!  MaCee has the sweetest personality, she is such a little cheese.  She loves her brothers and everything they do is so interesting to her.  She is completely a mommas girl, ok, and maybe a little bit a daddy's girl!  She is 100% PRINCESS, I didn't realize a 6 month old baby could be such a little princess!  She is a little love, and has brought so much joy to our family that we didn't even realize was missing.  As I sit here writing this post, and looking down at the little angel asleep in my arms all I keep thinking is, I so lucky to get to be this little girls mommy!!!

My little man!

In the last few weeks Dalyn has grown up so much all of the sudden he is one of the big boys!  What happened to my little baby... MaCee came in and took his place I guess!  I wish they could just stay little!!!

Today he told me that he had to go up the hill and get the cows!!! :(

Ahhhhhhh...

First I would like to start by saying my children are my favorite part of my life!  The most amazing thing I have ever done is be a mom I LOVE IT!  The only thing that I really ever want to be is a mom and wife, and I know that I am so blessed to get to be!!! Now I would like to say that ever parent needs a BREAK now and then and on the 24th I got mine!!!  Mike and I have been enjoying our little half an hour of comedy before bed the last few months and at the end of the show Daniel Tosh always added come see us on the Tosh 2010 Tour.  So after a while of watching how much Mike was enjoying this guy a light turned on and I realized that this would make the perfect birthday for Mike and little break for me!  So on the 24th we took all four of the kids to my little sister ( I don't think she will EVER offer to do this again) and we headed to the airport.  It was so crazy walking through the airport with no children just Mike and I and so wonderful!  When you are the mom and dad of four amazing little muchkins it is hard to make time for each other, so we soaked up every second!  We arrived in Tucson about 5:30 went to the hotel relaxed for a while and then got all dressed up for our night out!  Just for the record if any of you ever decide to venture to Tucson the airport is about 20 minutes away from downtown Tucson I didn't realize that and got a hotel near the airport rather than near the entertainment, that made for a long wait for a taxi, anyway that's beside the point.  So we headed up to where all of the fun apparently is, and it was!  It is kind of a college town so the night life is very fun and busy!!!  We went to a great little restaurant a steak in the neighborhood,  the food was delicious and it was a very cute little place on what we thought at that time was one of the main streets but it gets much more fun than that! After dinner we headed over to the music hall to enjoy Daniel Tosh.  He was hilarious and it was so fun to enjoy with my hubby. We then headed over to what really where the main streets and people watched for a few hours which is always funny!  It was so wonderful to go to bed knowing that the alarm clock that you can't snooze would not be waking me in the morning, but I still was wide awake at 7:30 and missing my kids!  We enjoyed breakfast in the hotel and headed over to the airport.  We were only gone for 24 hours, but it was so wonderful and refreshing!!!  So for all of you amazing parents who haven't heard of one of these (a break) they are AMAZING, you all should have one occasionally whether it be for an hour or a few days it is a much needed thing!!!

And They Lived Happily Ever After...

When I was young and thought into the future I wanted to be an anesthesiologist, I wanted 2 children, and all of the materialistic things in the world.  Then life happened it wasn't perfect, I was very ill off and on, and I realized that the most important things in life aren't THINGS!  I never could have imagined that my life would be filled with so many blessings, of course there are 5 that immediately enter my mind!  My amazing husband and 4 perfect little children, each in their own way!!! Next all of our awesome extended family & friends, I really don't know how we would have made it without all of you.  Also the amazing community we live in, no one ever hesitates to lend a hand!  Now I strive everyday to be a better person, a better example, and a friend that someone would like to have. Anyway, the point of all of this is its what has gotten me to were I am now happier than I ever have been and content with life!!!

COUSINS!!!

Growing up I loved spending time with my cousins our visits were usually far and few between but always a blast... although I think most ended with everyone happy that they were over!  That is why I love that my kids have cousins all around, especially my little niece Cali she is such a doll and the boys have so much fun with her, I know that MaCee and Cali and going to be great friends!!!

Some fun little girl pics...

My beautiful little Princess!

Cali & MaCee

MaCee with her pearls... Granny Honey would be soooo proud!

Love your little ones!!!

While looking on a friends blog I stumbled across the saddest story... a few days ago a little girl fell into a canal she traveled 1 1/2 miles before being taken out by 2 farmers, was life flighted to a hospital near her home, and then sent to Primary Childrens. While reading the families blog I cried and cried.  I am sure many of you share the same fear that I do, my worst fear is loosing one of my children, they are what I live for!  This family has shown such strength and trust in our Lord!  Now this afternoon Preslee passed away, such a sweet little one gone to be with her Heavenly Father, and in such a short time on earth affected so many people... I know that she changed my life!!! Please pray for her family they need every pray that we have!!! And live and love to the fullest you never know which day will be your last!