Tuesday, March 6, 2012

We made a wish... And he came true!

I am sitting in a hospital bed... getting a chemo treatment... and thinking... I am soooo blessed!!!  How could I such a simple girl get so lucky?  Someone must have a plan for me, because despite all of the illness and hard times  I always bounce back in full force!!! Anyway onto the reason I am posting today.  I have wanted to blog about this for almost 2 month now, and today I finally have enough time to sit down and do it.  February 6th I took a quick trip to Salt Lake to drop some paperwork off to the agency that they needed to have before the day Maddox was born.  To my surprise they asked if I would want to have lunch with his amazing birth mother, well of course I agreed.  As I drove over I remember asking Mike if he thought it was to crazy to ask her if I could touch her belly, he thought it was a little weird.  After visiting with her for a while and discussing all that you can in about an hour, I decided I didn't care if it was crazy.  My little baby boy was in that belly and I wanted to feel him.  So I said your going to think I'm nuts but can I feel your belly, we both teared up and it was a few moments that I will never forget.  As we both left that day I was so emotional, and in the car on the way home I kept crying and crying.  I remember thinking maybe I am insane... but I think he knew it was me... he knew it was his mommy... and we bonded.  After Maddox was born  I couldn't get enough of him, but as Thursday and Friday rolled around I wasn't feeling well.  Well wasn't feeling well turned into Life flight and 16 days in the hospital.  This was the sickest I have ever been, the second night in the hospital I went to stand up and collapsed, I was paralysed from the waste down, it was the scariest thing I have ever had to deal with.  All I could think of was how am I going to be able to do everything, the doctors were cautiously optimistic that I would get movement back, but said that only 1/3 of people do with Transverse Myelitis.  That is all in the past, I have gotten full movement back, which is absolutely amazing and once again I am in awe at what a miraculous father we have inn heaven.  During that time I would only get to see the kids every few days,  therefore not leaving me much time to bond with Maddox.  It worried me what would happen when we got home, I didn't know how it would be.  I shouldn't have let myself worry, because as I said before we had bonded, God knew this was coming and made sure that bond wasn't lost.  Maddox is such a little mommies boy, he loves his mommies touch, and is so called by me.  I don't think many things are better than having that unconditional love of a child!

This little man is such an angel... and a little heartbreaker!