The list really could go on and on but if I must say one thing that stresses me out the most right now... It would have to be MaCee's birth mother! When we were in the hospital she decided that she didn't want to meet us, which we were ok with, if thats what she wanted. I cannot even imagine what was going on in her head, so I wanted her to have the time she needed to grieve. I won't lie as we walked through the hospital halls I secretly hoped we would run into her. I prayed and prayed for her to have peace in her heart and know that her little girl would be loved soooo much by so many people (including her birth family.) When we signed she had decided that she wanted a semi- open adoption, to me this meant that maybe there was a chance that she would be a little part of ours and MaCee's life. In the last 7 months I have sent pictures, a book, letter, to the agency and that is were it has stayed by her choice. It breaks my heart not being able to talk to her, and know how she feels, I feel completely in the dark. I would love to have a relationship with her, and at least let her know that MaCee is doing well. I just wish she could see a little video of MaCee's life, and I think that would help her a little bit, at least I hope it would. So maybe I am just being silly and need to let it go, but it sure does weigh on my mind often!!! If anyone has any suggestions I am open! Also I did not mean to offend anyone by this post so please take it as it is meant... I know that birth mothers are special little angels in our lives, I just wish we could have ours!
I'm sorry you are stressing over this. It is so hard. All three of our children are completely different situations with the birth mothers.
ReplyDeleteKristan will never know or have any way of knowing anything about her birthmother because she was abandoned.
We have had the relationship that I think you are hoping for with Ashton's birth family. Everyone grieves differently and the birth mother's do grieve. Hang in there. Maybe someday she will want to know a little more but she may still be hurting to much right now. It will work out for the best.
Briaunna's birth mom never talks to us and never says anything to Briaunna when she sees her. She just goes the other way. She sends tons of gifts in the mail every year. I guess that is how she works through it.
I am SOO happy you are doing this with me! It is fun.
ReplyDeleteI loved reading a little more about you.
I agree with Kelly, each BM grieves so differently. I was with Ava's BM for 3 days straight - she wouldn't let me leave the room. And just last month when I called our agency to make sure our letters and pictures were getting forwarded, I found out that she never did the follow up with them. SO they have no address, no phone number. :( broke my heart. I literally got off the phone and started crying, because I LOVE D, I care about her, and worry about her, and hope she is ok. I know one day she will read the letters, and see the pictures, and that is what makes me happy.
We have 2 different situations with our birthparents. We have a semi open relationship with our son's birthgrandmother. We have tons of emails from when he was younger, but not so much now that he's 9. Our daughter's birthmom has had nothing to do with us. We wrote letters to her and asked questions and she never responded. The time we tried to have a face to face with her when our daughter was 6 weeks old she stood us up and never wanted to try to reschedule. Which truthfully, because of our circumstances it's better. But I do worry about how our little one will feel when she sees what her brother's birthfamily did for him and she doesn't have anything...but her family's 100% adoring and complete love for her.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing I can tell them is that they both have a birthfamily who loves them and that they made it possible for our eternal family to be brought together through the power of God and His many miracles.
I love reading your blog... I am a single mom, and a birth mother of two. I placed my little girl Azlyn almost 2 years ago, and a little boy a month ago, both to the same amazing family. We have such an amazing relationship,and are so super close. It breaks my heart to hear of birth moms that want closed adoptions, or have difficult times trying to reach a point in their lifes that they feel comfortable with any info. or contact. You are doing everything you can, and if I were you I would continue to send things to the agency. One day she may come around, and may think that you guys just gave up. Communication is everything, I learn that a lot at all of the birthmother classes I attend. Best of luck to you. Your children are beautiful.
ReplyDeleteAlso, did I read that you live in Duchesne, UT? My aunt and Uncle live there also, and they adopted my cousin 24 years ago. Small world... Maybe you know them, Cornel and Gretchen Thomas.